13 reasons to never take your kids to China



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1. They’ll develop a passion for the architecture and want to remodel your house with pointy, tiled roofs, and upturned eves.

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2. They might realize people can be happy whatever they do for a living… Including paddling tourists up a river like these boatmen in the Three River Gorges along the Yangtze River.

3. They will never want to swim in a regular pool again after swimming at the mind-boggling Water Cube where Michael Phelps became the most medaled Olympian in history during the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

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4. They may learn a lot about physics by watching Chinese engineering feats like the Yangtze Three Gorges Dam in action.

5. They may learn the power of sitting still for hours like these guards in Tiananmen Square. And no parents want that from their kids, right?

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6. They will never think another slide is fun again after sliding down this one on a go-cart from the top of the Great Wall of China.

7. They’ll learn bad manners from Mongolian Hun warriors.

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8. They might get a big head after being asked to pose for their millionth picture with Chinese locals and domestic tourists.

9. They’ll want to move their beds over the dining room table with big screen entertainment right in front of them like on the Chinese trains.

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10. They’ll forget you are not supposed to talk to strangers.

11. They may learn that you can carry more than your own weight if leveraged correctly.

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12. They’ll appreciate the convenience of modern cooking after trying their hand at grinding grain to make porridge in rural China.

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13. They’ll get bored with the electronics on car road trips at home and long for the chaotic, but fun community aboard Chinese trains.

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5. You owe money

Owing money is an uncomfortable situation. Most of the time, the government will come after debtors to offset money owed. Stimulus checks can be taken from you to cover past due debt including child support, bank debts and private debt collections (though some states are now implementing their own rules to prevent private debt collectors from seizing stimulus checks). Past-due taxes, defaulted student loans and anything handled in bankruptcy proceedings cannot be situations where your stimulus check will be used as an offset.


13 Essential Tips if You Are Divorcing a Narcissist

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THE BASICS

Most people, understandably, will do almost anything to avoid going to court for any number of reasons, including the financial cost, the loss of privacy, the inevitable calcification of antagonism between you and someone you married, the pain it causes children and other family members, and the fear of putting your life in the hands of a complete stranger, sitting on a bench at the front of a courtroom. (Not to mention all those movies—Kramer vs. Kramer, The War of the Roses, The Squid and the Whale—that act as cautionary tales, the horror stories bounced around the Internet, and those of people you know.)

Despite the attention given to divorce cases that play out in court, especially when someone is rich or famous, the reality is that only about 5% of divorces end up in front of a judge. Some 95% of couples either work it out themselves, or use mediation or collaborative divorce techniques to minimize damage and the financial costs.

But the usual considerations that keep people out of court and make mediation and settlement viable alternatives simply don’t apply for those who inhabit the far end of the narcissistic spectrum. I’ve asked two experts—an attorney who specializes in litigation, Mary Kirkpatrick (disclosure: she was my lawyer) and Craig Malkin, a practicing therapist, blogger on this site, and author of Rethinking Narcissism—to help me untangle the threads of what, for most people, ends up a torturous mess.

The question of gender

Throughout this piece, I have used the pronouns he and she to avoid accusations of bias, although there are a few facts to keep in mind.

The first is that on the far end of the narcissistic spectrum (for simplicity, we’ll call people at this extreme ‘narcissists’), men outnumber women two to one. Yes, double. That makes it more likely that if there’s a narcissist in the courtroom, it will be the husband. That doesn’t mean it will never be the wife. As Malkin explained, “the largest review of gender differences and narcissism to date suggests that this gender gap stems mainly from the fact that men tend to be more aggressive than women—and, unlike women, they’re often encouraged to flaunt the exploitative, entitled behaviors that characterize narcissistic personality disorder.”

The second is that 60-69 percent of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women, this has been historically consistent since the 19th and 20th centuries and remains true today. It’s a counterintuitive finding: Divorce generally reduces the standard of living for women and improves it for men, and men are more likely to remarry than their female counterparts. Not surprisingly, researchers in law, psychology, and sociology have wanted to know why.

In their study, published in American Law and Economics Review, Margaret Brinig and Douglas Adams concluded that the issue of child custody drove women to file first, giving them—the primary caretaker—temporary custody at least. Attorney Kirkpatrick thinks it also may be because the wife knows she will likely get 50 percent of the marital property, alimony if she qualifies for it, and child support, this may be better than continuing a marriage with a financial tyrant or a spendthrift.

But Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld took another tack, comparing the initiation of divorce with breakups in unmarried, heterosexual cohabitating and non-cohabitating couples. Rosenfeld looked specifically at some of the explanations proposed for why wives tend to initiate divorces:

  • 1. women’s heightened sensitivity to relationship issues leads them to be more dissatisfied,
  • 2. marriage is a factory for traditional gender expectations, which is supported by the finding that women still carry two-thirds of household responsibilities, and
  • 3. an imbalance of power by gender.

He found that cohabitating and non-cohabitating couples demonstrated no gender imbalance in initiating breakups, either party was equally likely to end the relationship. Interestingly, compared to 19 percent of marriages in which partners reported mutuality in the decision to divorce, 32 percent of cohabitating couples and 36 percent of non-cohabitating couples described the decision as mutual.

Rosenfeld concluded that it’s the gendered nature of the institution of marriage itself that accounts for women initiating divorce. The initiation of a divorce doesn’t, of course, mean that this person intends to end up in front of a judge, a person may file first as a tactic to jump-start negotiations as well.

About the narcissist

Let’s start with why the narcissist—despite all the real reasons any sensible person would be highly motivated to stay out of court—is very likely to end up in it.

1. He or she is in it to win it.

Even though there aren’t real “winners” in divorce—with luck, there’s some equitable splitting of responsibilities and assets—that’s not the narcissist’s point of view. He or she is likely to see himself or herself as a victim, regardless of the facts, and has no intention of meeting in the middle, so you can forget negotiation or mediation. Being proven right is the ultimate goal, and the narcissist will do whatever it takes to make that happen. “One of my clients,” Malkin says, “went through hell with a man who’d enjoyed three affairs in the course of his marriage, and regularly spent their vacation money on his trysts. He tried to convince the judge my client was having an affair (she wasn’t), all the while sending, long pleading letters, asking, ‘why are you doing this to me?’ For many narcissists, truth isn’t just relative. It’s optional."

2. He or she is a game player.

Studies show this to be the narcissist’s relational pattern—maintaining power and an edge by keeping others off-balance—and he or she isn’t going to change just because you’re going to court. Gaming the system will be the first line of defense and, as we’ll see, the family court system can be gamed. “This is especially dangerous when your narcissistic ex is the extraverted, charming type with lots of money to burn,” Malkin says. “They’re apt to file endless motions, making empty (false) accusations about ‘neglectful parenting’ for example, wasting everyone’s time. It’s often an attempt to wear you down.”

3. He or she doesn’t tally emotional losses.

Impaired empathy is one of the hallmarks of pathological narcissism, and what that translates into here is the narcissist’s total disregard of how anyone—including his or her spouse and, more important, children—might be hurt by the game-playing or other behaviors. It literally doesn’t occur to the narcissist because the focus is solely on him or her, nothing else really matters except satisfying personal needs and wants. Unfortunately, what keeps most of us on the relatively straight and narrow in stressful situations like divorce and tends to keep us out of court is our worry about other people—how they might be affected or hurt, what they will think of our behaviors, and how it will affect our future relationships. Not the narcissist. He or he is likely to indulge in what military strategists call a scorched-earth policy—leave nothing standing in his or her wake. This, unfortunately, often includes the children of the marriage, who become unwitting pawns in the narcissist’s strategizing. As discussed below, the gender of the narcissist actually comes into play here, especially if there is no agreement on custody or child support.

4. By engaging you in a court battle, the narcissist is still using you to feel powerful.

Narcissists need to be in relationships to self-regulate, and by dragging you through court, he or she will feel a thrilling surge of power and control. If the narcissist simply lets you go, he or she would have to find someone else to fill the need. Unfortunately, this also means that the narcissist doesn’t care how the long the process takes—which is surprising but true. Again, most people want to put the unpleasantness and stress of divorce and all of its attendant negotiations and give-and-take behind them, that’s just not true of the narcissist, which makes going up against one that much harder. “It’s a way of staying connected,” Malkin says. “Better to be your enemy than to become a nobody in your eyes.”

5. He or she wants you to capitulate.

It’s not enough that he can say that he or she won—the narcissist needs a symbolic trophy to prove it and the easiest way to achieve that is for you to fold your tents and go away. Besting other people makes the narcissist feel good, and going to court is often waged as a war of attrition.

How the narcissist changes the nature of the divorce

The likelihood is that you’ve ended up in court because of his or her refusal to discuss terms on any reasonable basis. Going to court and having a judge decide may actually make the narcissist more comfortable because it means he or she doesn’t have to take responsibility for the outcome, especially if it’s not favorable. That sounds counterintuitive, but the narcissist doesn’t want to give anything up willingly and the court system assures that, win or lose, it won’t be his or her fault. Paradoxically, ceding control permits the narcissist to maintain the illusion of control. Additionally, the process is likely to include:

1. The strategy of obstruction

Depending on which state you live in, family court proceedings can take a lot of time, and the narcissist will instruct his or her attorney to eat up as much of it as possible. Be prepared for the filing of lots of motions, requests for more time and delays, “emergencies" and the like. No matter which one of you is the plaintiff, the narcissist will be the self-described victim in all of his or her filings, the marriage revisited and retold. The thing is that the narcissist only believes his or her truth, even if it tests credulity. Narcissists may not be averse to lying in sworn documents, even about things that can be easily shown not to be true, because showing that they’re not true takes up more time and paper (and legal fees)—and that’s part of the strategy. Kirkpatrick notes that other tactics may include delaying when he or she thinks it can help or get under your skin, not showing up for court dates, including misleading information in filings and appeals that then needs to be challenged, and not disclosing information fully so that there are additional rounds of attorney correspondence and discovery requests and the legal fees continue to mount up. Because the narcissist is expert at self-presentation (and believes in his or her own superiority), the working assumption is that the judge will believe his or her story. (And if he or she is wealthy and outwardly successful, and you’re less so, the ploy might well work.)

2. Refuse to negotiate or settle.

Again, time is an arrow in the narcissist’s quiver and he or she also knows that the longer the process takes, the easier you’ll be to manipulate and pressure. He or she is counting on that. Because a narcissist is by nature a game player, Kirkpatrick reports, "There are patterns to dealings with a narcissist in settlement negotiations. They make low ball offers or offers that are patently objectionable. They fail to respond to all aspects of the proposal so that there are always bargaining chips to be used to stall the negotiation or begin at the beginning again, and they fail to respond to the matters presented. Do not expect any good faith dealings.

"They lack the ability to negotiate towards a middle ground, they will likely keep stating the same position over and over again, even when the facts and circumstances have changed.”

3. Run up your bills.

Yes, money is used as a bludgeon in most cases. The narcissist most likely sees it as a necessary expense—if, in fact, he or she intends on paying his attorney in the end.

4. Paint you black.

Yes, whatever Jello or mud is available, whether true or not, will be thrown to see what sticks to the wall. You should be prepared to be maligned both in the paperwork, in the courtroom itself, and in the world at large—it’s part of the narcissist’s lack of empathy, lack of interest in relational consequences, and desire to win no matter what the cost. Kirkpatrick notes that these filings will then have to be defended against or corrected, eating up more time and money and, of course, opening the door to the judge’s believing the narcissist. Additionally, Kirkpatrick comments that getting his or her story out there—told to new friends, old ones, family members, and people associated with your work and profession—is also typical of the narcissist’s efforts to pollute the waters, cause harm to reputation and children, while garnering support for him or herself.

5. Go back to court again and again even after a settlement or divorce.

For all the reasons outlined above, the narcissist is likely to keep on using the court system to resolve any real disputes as well as to promulgate new ones. As noted, the narcissist games the system. If there are children involved, Kirkpatrick tells me, “It’s endless. Lack of back and forth communication, not sharing schedules, appointments, or itineraries, signing up children for activities that fall on both parents’ time without notice and discussion when the parent doesn’t have the legal authority to do so are pretty typical after a high-conflict divorce. Add in trying to get the child’s psychological records without legal authority and invading the child’s privacy, and not paying bills in a timely fashion. Then there’s the warfare which is less than stealth: sending frequent emails that complain, harass, and show that he or she is grilling the child or children about the other parent or household and putting down the parenting received.” These can all become issues which must be resolved through the courts, as the narcissist well knows.

What you need to pay attention to

These are some generalized pieces of advice which should be discussed with your attorney. Given the psychological toll a contested divorce takes on you, it’s probably wise that you engage a therapist as well to keep you as steady and productively proactive—and not reactive—as possible. “A good therapist,” Malkin says, “should talk to you about the possibility of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, common in abuse survivors, even when the only abuse has been serial infidelity.” Keep in mind that your lawyer isn’t a therapist, and your therapist isn’t an attorney.

1. Make sure your attorney is aware of the problem and proactive

It’s not always obvious that there’s a narcissist in the mix, especially if he or she appears to be well-spoken and well-off, self-presentation goes a long way in fooling people. Your ex’s narcissistic tendencies, in fact, may only fully reveal themselves during the divorce process because it’s during conflict that the narcissist shows his or her true colors. Discuss the patterns of your about-to-be-ex’s responses and the best way to deal with them and make sure that your side has a strategy. If your ex is acting as his or her own attorney, you need to pay close attention as well. Kirkpatrick also recommends that “If your lawyer isn’t familiar with this kind of difficult personality, you either have to change lawyers or be incredibly solid in directing the lawyer to take the actions you want to set boundaries. It’s best to switch lawyers because, as the client, you’re vulnerable and you don’t need to be told explicitly or implicitly that ‘it’s in your head’ or ‘there’s nothing to be done.’” She too recommends that you develop support by going into therapy since this kind of divorce is emotionally and psychologically wearing.

2. Keep copies of everything, especially expenditures

Even if you’ve never been much of a record keeper, this is the time to become one. If this case devolves into a “he said/she said” situation with conflicting storylines, muster all the evidence you can. “This one’s hugely important," Malkin says. “It’s helped more than one of my clients discredit their ex’s lies.”

3. Stay cool and avoid the traps

Do not indulge your anger in voice mail or send emails and texts that could be construed as harassing or demeaning, especially if there are children involved. “Restraint of pen and tongue is key. Know how risky all communication is with a narcissist ex because he or she is likely to edit your texts and emails to share them with others, his new inner circle people. Keep in mind the narcissist has to control the story because of his or her low self-esteem and the need to be viewed as the ‘good guy or gal,’" Kirkpatrick says. “Keep the narcissist’s game-playing in the forefront of your mind and do what you can not to be drawn in. Do not make comments about your spouse in front of your children or to the people he hangs out with, as they will get back to him and fuel more retaliation.”

Even if your spouse is using the kids to score points, try to hew to the high road. “Your kids will appreciate that you’ve kept your relationship with your ex out of the conversation with them,” Malkin says. “Eventually, they see their narcissistic parent’s mudslinging for what it is: an attempt to manipulate their own children. And that’s how the narcissist inevitably loses the game.”

Kirkpatrick adds, “They marginalize themselves if you just stay focused on the next right step.”

That said, the damage done to families and family finances by these divorces is very real, as is the stress of having to endure one and, if there are children, the terrific toll a fractious and sustained divorce takes on feelings of trust and security. But the more prepared you are, legally and psychologically, the better you’ll fare.

Craig Malkin, Ph.D., is a psychologist, author, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, and director of YM Psychotherapy & Consultation, which provides psychotherapy and couples workshops. As a blogger for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post, he frequently writes about psychology and relationships and works with media outlets such as Time, The New York Times, and NPR. His new book is Rethinking Narcissism.

Mary G. Kirkpatrick is a trial lawyer whose practice in Vermont has included complicated divorce cases since 1986. She has significant experience with the research on divorce and child custody, having worked with national and state experts regarding parental alienation, personality disorders and divorce, and the effects of divorce on the family system.

Copyright 2016 Peg Streep

Brinig, Margaret F. and Douglas W. Allen, “’These Boots are Made for Walking’: Why Most Divorce Filers are Women,” American Law and Economics Review (2000), vol.2, 126-169.

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I agree 100%

Every word written here is true. This is an excellent post. Anyone who has ever gotten into a romantic relationship with a narcissist should read this.

My sister divorced a narcissist. He didn't just put her and her children through the ringer. He put my entire extended family through it too, as we ended up helping with spiraling legal fees, costs and dealing with the giant mess that resulted. Even though the divorce papers are finalized this man still finds reason to drag my sister back into court on a regular basis. The man is a hardened dangerous alcoholic with more DUIs and busted up cars than one can count, yet he's still the victim.

My question or comment is this. Before my sister even married the man I saw the writing on the wall with her future husband. I was instructed by all family members not to open my mouth and discuss this problem. When my sister's husband beat her I was told not to say anything. When he beat the children I was told it was none of my business.

When do the rest of us get to say something about narcissists and the damage that they cause? A few words from me could have helped prevent not only this marriage but a pile of further problems that resulted. I'm still furious.

Hindsight is 20/20, alas, and

Hindsight is 20/20, alas, and all of us need to live the experience fully to see it in fullness. I totally understand your frustration but it happens. It just does. Best, Peg

You don't think we're working

You don't think we're working behind the scenes to get along with him, or gather the strength to leave him? Some of us are. I can't count how many times I've asked my BF "hey, let's just sit down and discuss how to get along for once.. no insults, cursing, arguing, let's remain calm and discuss how to be positive, because I love you". and he will start screaming and say he's sick of discussing it. we have never ONCE even sat down and discussed it. He will then vent at how I do everything wrong for hours - no joke, after I fall asleep, he will message me online if I'm not home to tell me how I do laundry not to his liking, ask what I contribute to the relationship, say how I make him miserable, and say he's so frustrated and can't take it anymore because he's such a great calm guy and NO ONE can imagine him acting this way (despite his ex wife testifying to his verbal abuse and manipulation in court, and his ex-gf "crying every night for years" from his games, both which I just found out this week). so it must be my problem. I have never even so much as raised my voice more than one time in any previous relationship, can't remember ever crying in one aside from at breakup time.. but I'm the sole problem. Ok.

As a side note. please do not abandon your family member or friend in a narcissistic relationship. We already feel isolated enough, and so brainwashed that we aren't even participating in reality anymore. Many of us have left for months, only to be reeled back in by their promises to change. I feel just..beaten down. Too beaten down to leave. And at 32, I've already wasted 4 years with him, who else will want me?

Dear GF of Narc, wake up.
After reading your post I can not believe how you ended it.
Too beaten down to leave at the very old age of 32?
If you really believe everything you just said, get away from this person, quickly. Seek shelter with other people if you are afraid for your safety.
As a child of a single mother that was in many abusive relationships I can tell you that people do not change without a reason to do so. If you are enabling this behaviour, you better get used to it.
Don't tell me it is too hard. What could be harder than what you just described?

Leave

Interesting I fell upon this today. My divorce from my narcissist husband was official on the 11th - after six years of dealing with everything you have. I am 34. I do not have a history of dating narcissists. He was my first, and with everything I learned will certainly be my last. Let me tell you this. I threw him out in November, 2015. It has been six months. My ENTIRE life has changed. My daughter (his step-daughter that he "loved so dearly", MEH) is SO MUCH HAPPIER. We are SO close now. Our lives did a complete 180 INSTANTLY. The stress un-lifts.

We are survivors, and we have that mentality, who cares about who wants us. It's about what we want. It's about ourselves, our children, our friends, our happiness. All of the new hobbies I have picked up because I couldn't have them in the marriage? My relationship with my daughter? JUST LEAVE.

You damn well know it is only going to get worse. They cannot get better. They are cognitively incapable of doing so. There are no more "promises to change" because I have blocked him from everything. I filed my divorce online and made it as simple as possible. It was filed in a court where we did not have to see a judge. I paid for it, I did all the work.

Age 32 is the beginning of life! This decade is miraculous! Trust me, they will want you! Many have wanted me in just this short six months. But right now, I can't be with someone else. I am enjoying my new life too much and don't want to put any time into someone else.

Just leave. Or better yet - GET RID OF HIM.

Hello Dandy in utopia! inspiring!!

I catch myself on occasion with a cheeky smile accompanied by a shuddering sense of relief and excitement about my new life (narc free). I'm loving your name. "adandyutopia". and I am so sure it will be!. ]EXIT EVIL, ENTER UTOPIA. Best wishes sister!. X

Breaking up with a narcissist

I'm currently the victim of narcissistic rage like your sister. I have been sectioned and medically treated for misdiagnosed and labelled wrongly as delusional. I have never been so obviously abused and not believed and frightened. These men know 'no bounds' his ruthless destruction of a single parent with small children is viscous and unfathomable. No one will help me!. These leeches plan for ages the final assault so are one step ahead!. My family also believe 'im mad". They do not see the targeted stalking I endure. If my sister would have said anything to me while imprisoned in such a disordered relationship I probably would have severed ties. Its crazy I know!. This personality type attract partners with an abundance of empathy. You maybe would have spotted the red flags. Sounds like your " just the ticket" to support your family through this!. I hear your anger at this sub-human and long may that last. Best wishes x

Thank you for this post!

This was sorta spooky as to how spot-on it is! I witnessed a good dad being dragged through the courts trying to defend himself against countless accusations, continuing for over a decade after a divorce from a woman who is at best, a narcissist. She's a criminal and pathological liar that has no concern for anyone, except for herself. She would go to different counties to obtain Orders of Protection and use those un-served documents to lie to family doctors and school admin - all in efforts to damage the father's reputation and relationship with their children.

Family courts are not capable of dealing with insane but highly manipulating mothers/fathers, as all they seemed to do was issue sanctions against her, which she just ignores. All the while she continued her poisonous contact with their kids, totally twisting their reality. She completely snowed one commissioner whom has since been publicly reprimanded for their antics - that commissioner has a reputation for being biased against men, and what a dynamically destructive duo of crazy mother and unhinged judge that was! It all seems so surreal now. (BTW, that commissioner resigned the day after having a "meltdown" during a hearing)

Please continue to bring awareness of how we may better navigate through family courts with these destructive narcissists. It feels so awfully lonely and terribly hopeless when the ex is a narcissist and you're dealing with a system that seems to assume both parents want what's best for their children.

I'm not a therapist or

I'm not a therapist or psychologist but this post was inspired by own experience in a short term marriage, no children, and no shared assets --and a second marriage for one, and a third for the other. I cannot imagine how frantic I would have been if children were involved, this was about money. But the judges are overburdened and it would seem confused by trying to be equitable and then also "the best interests of the child." If one parent is at war, you don't need to be a psychologist to realize that "co-parenting" won't work. Both of the experts, Dr. Malkin and Mary Kirkpatrick, Esq., are very knowledgable. I will certainly revisit the subject with their expertise in tow, Best to you, JB.

Thank you for your kind reply

It is much appreciated. I truly marvel at the immense emotional restraint the father has. He only gained sole custody (mother must petition for supervised visitation at father's discretion) after tremendous costs of time, effort and money of a court appointed Best Interest Attorney and forensic counselors. Their children have suffered tremendously at their mother's emotional abuse.

It almost feels like it was just luck that the family court finally understood the situation.

I dunno how we can expedite these conclusions, as I've heard too many heartbreaking stories of the sane parent just giving up, but I think articles like yours, bringing much needed awareness is a great start.

Somehow, generally, when it

Somehow, generally, when it comes to children--whether in this situation or others--as a society and global culture, we need to learn to do better. That, alas, is the sad truth.

NO sane parent would EVER

NO sane parent would EVER give up on their child. Having dealt with a narc in family court myself, sure, it's maddening having to deal with their games, but I would NEVER - EVER - EVER - give up on my child. Anyone who does, is not a good person - and may even be a narcissist themselves. After all, if your ex is such a bad person, then WHY would you EVER stop fighting to get your child/ren in YOUR CUSTODY. I would drag my burnt and blistered body across 5,000 miles of broken glass in a hurricane if it meant saving my children.. so yes, I would gladly go bankrupt to defend them in court. (Should I have to? Of course not.)

You can't imagine the worst thing they can do.

For a minute I thought you were describing the breakup of me and my ex. My advice: Expect the unexpected, dream up the nastiest thing an ex could do, they'll probably figure out something even worse. In my case, 6 months after the breakup with no contact I was diagnosed with an STI. I relayed this information to my ex (she was the last person I had sex with) her response was to apply for a restraining order citing "psychological abuse" If you can have absolutely NO CONTACT with them after the breakup.

Baloney

The first two assertions in this article are patently false. Most narcissists are females not males, this can be proven by 'reality' and spending two minutes in 'real life' with a post-modern female. Divorce lowers a man's standard of living, not a females. This can be proven by 'reality' and spending two minutes in 'real life'.

Uh huh. We'd be in good shape

Uh huh. We'd be in good shape relying on your "reality," rather than science..

Facts

Peg, your reply has just made my evening. LOL.

I wasn't going to answer but

I wasn't going to answer but the trolls have been making me crazy so I went for it! Glad you enjoyed it.

What is a "troll"?

People who leave nasty or

People who leave nasty or denigrating comments to get attention for themselves or to stir things up. The intention is not to further discussion. Not my word but is used to describe certain commentator behaviors on the Internet/

Peg Streep censors and deletes comments

Anyone leaving a comment here should beware that Peg Streep will delete your comment if it is unfavorable or disagrees with her viewpoints. Ms. Streep considers anyone who counter argues her viewpoint to be a troll. She has deleted dozens of comments from this message board to create the false illusion of a unilateral and homogenized fan club. Sounds kind of like the actions of a covert narcissist to me!

There is a single comment I

There is a single comment I have deleted a number of times because it's an opinion-based argument about how the narcissistic spectrum doesn't exist and therefore the article is unscientific. Well, experts and their research confirm the spectrum and there's no point in diverting anyone's attention to untruths. And, yes, these message boards may be curated when the comments left impede real discussion.


13 Reasons You Don't Feel Sexy

Like it or not, nothing destroys self esteem like a rough breakup — if you let it. You find yourself thinking: Was it me? Did I let this happen? Could I have done something differently? The more you doubt yourself, the less sexy you will feel. Stop beating yourself up over the past and focus on what you offer in the present. That’s all that matters.

There are two ways your hair can be the culprit in this case. The first: You love your look so much, you’re worried that getting intimate will ruin it (#blackwomanproblems). Or, because you hate the hair moment you’re having and feel anything but cute when you walk out the door. Either way, it’s time to call your stylist, stat!

Love isn’t always blissful, especially if things just aren’t working out. It’s said that most people are prone to stick with a relationship for almost a year after the romance has ended. If you’re not feeling the love, you won’t want to make love. Ask yourself if his advances are unwanted because, well, he is. Do you get where we’re going here?

No woman wants to get intimate with a man she suspects is curling up with someone else. Your hesitation in the bedroom could be caused by your own suspicions. Get to the bottom of it and get your sex life back.

You can’t take control in the bedroom if you’ve lost it in the boardroom. When outside factors, like a wicked boss or brewing family drama, attack your confidence and sense of self worth, it’s easy to internalize the negativity and bring it to bed with you. Seek out the source of those no-can-do vibes and call on your strengths to rebuild the tools you need at work and at home.

When was the last time you bought a bottle of that overpriced perfume that tempts your senses or one of Victoria’s “secret” tricks? Embrace your femininity — don’t starve it. Go on, spoil yourself.

Before you devour that fast food burger, consider this: Regularly indulging in unhealthy meals can negatively impact your sex drive. Greasy foods cause gas and bloating, two non-sexy side effects. Plus, the guilt you feel after eating something you knew you shouldn’t often translates to the bedroom by attacking your confidence. Healthy choices equal hotter nights… remember that the next time you’re ordering in.

Sex and stress just don’t mix. Sure, a good romp in the sheets can help take the edge off, but only if you can make it to the bed. A busy, hard-working woman often makes time for everything but her love life, and that’s a sign your priorities are out of order. Make time for the one you love, so you can make a little love. Go ahead, exhale.

Unwanted weight gain can affect both your self-image and confidence. Excess body fat is said to interrupt healthy blood flow, which your body needs to become sexually aroused. Work ’em off and get back to working it out in the bedroom.

If you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders each day, the only thing you’ll want to do in bed is sleep those sad feelings away. If you’re not yourself, your sex drive can be the first “normal” thing in your life to go. If you think you could be suffering from depression seek the opinion of a professional.

If your 9 to 5 is more like an 8 to 8 these days, it’s no surprise you’re putting sex on the back burner. The key to getting back in your groove is making your bedroom a work-free zone and designating time each week where you promise to take your mind off work and put your hands on him.

You can’t be your best in bed if you feel you don’t look the part. Self love is a key component for making healthy happy love. Translation: Stop obsessing over a little cellulite or arm flab and embrace the body you were born with. We promise, he’s not nearly as worried about what you are. Cut yourself some slack.

A bad cold or case of allergies can stop your sex drive in its tracks. It happens. If you want to get off that couch and back into the arms of the one you love, focus on getting better, not “getting some.” (Besides, you don’t want to get them sick, right?)


"Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl" by Anne Frank

"Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl" is an important work from World War II. It chronicles the experiences of a young Jewish girl, Anne Frank, as she lives under Nazi occupation. She hides with her family, but she is eventually discovered and sent to a concentration camp (where she died). This book was banned for passages that were considered "sexually offensive," as well as for the tragic nature of the book, which some readers felt was a "real downer."


Watch the video: Did Ancient Rome and China Know About Each Other? Short Animated Documentary


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